Friday, March 3, 2017
Big city traffic...
Not talking about getting out on the scoots. This was a shopping excursion to Walmart.
If I had a People of Walmart bingo card, I could have gotten a blackout in this one trip. Where do all these people come from?? Not just "these people," but the sheer numbers. Every aisle was crowded. And not just retired folks (like us) - plenty of young people. And pregnant women... do OB-GYN doctors prescribe walking at Walmart during the first 8 3/4 months of pregnancy?
I am also convinced that old women gather at Walmart, with a battle plan to block every aisle with their shopping carts. They are very efficient... if there is only one cart in an aisle, the pusher of that cart is almost guaranteed to have an ass that is 1.314 times the width of the cart - this way, they don't need two cart pushers to block an aisle. Seriously, they are good: cart at a diagonal, ass at full width - no one is getting through!
Joan likes to study the ingredients of some of the toiletries she buys - making sure that it is dolphin-free and has the right amount of fluxgate capacitors in it. It gives me time to wander. And play head-games with the aisle blockers... I can see them at the far end of the aisle, moving in time with me. Like a running back, I fake a forward move, then double back... sliding down the previous aisle like Tom Cruise in Risky Business... well, except I wasn't wearing just a shirt and underwear. I also had socks. It is important to try to fit in.
Getting an aisle all to myself, I get to peruse. Snake repellant - we don't have that in our local Walmart back in the Tropical Tip. Just more fun in the desert.
When you do finally make it through the checkout lane (do people really think that 30 items is less than "15 items or less" in an express lane??), the aisle blockers (much like roller derby) continue their craft by leaving their carts to free range in the parking lot... some are only 10 feet from the cart corral... SO close! Being able to see the cart corral from where you leave the cart does not count.