Christmas spirit...

Bah, humbug!

OK, not really. I like the Christmas season. I get a big kick out of holiday decorating, especially outdoor lighting. It just looks festive, especially when one is in the frozen northland... where the landscape looks like white death in every direction. The lights give you hope that someone will survive the ridiculous weather. Frankly, it's more for me to decorate a boat in the Tropical Tip, but you work with what you got.

Even holiday shopping doesn’t bother me all that much. While I do prefer to go at hours when the stores aren’t packed, like 5:00 in the morning... and thankfully, most stores are out to get the all mighty buck, so they’re open 22 hours a day in the weeks before Christmas... but, today I had to head for the mall at 10:00 in the morning. On the Saturday before Christmas. Well, I have been a bit busy, so this was my one shot.

I did my shopping in one fell swoop; I was done by 10:30. And then I got to stand in line to give the store my money. It’s a good time for people watching. The woman in front of me looked shell shocked... I wasn’t sure she spoke English, since I had to prod her a bit when one of the people at the registers cheerily mumbled, “Next person in line, pleeeeese.” Also in line was the guy on the cell phone: “They don’t have it. Hey, I looked. Yes, I know where to look; I’m telling you they don’t have it. Hey, I’m just trying to help here...” Yep, the good ol’ Christmas spirit.

With my shopping completed, I decided to take a walk through the mall. It’s not a big mall, but I have been cooped up in my Mother’s apartment and was in need for a little jaunt to stretch my legs. It was packed; people were carrying bags, so I assume the retailers are having a good season. Here in the upper mid-west, where people are friendly and polite, the wandering masses were pretty evenly divided: more shell-shocked faces, a bunch of panic-stricken faces (they were the ones not carrying shopping bags), some smiling faces (yes, they had scored on their buying lists), and whining kids. I dunno, when I was a kid, the weeks before Christmas was the one time all year that I was on my best behavior. If this is their best, I’d really hate to be around all these little whiners the rest of the year. Apparently, this is what young moms and dads are now raising.

Oh, there were a few smiling young faces - they were the ones in line to see Santa. It was kinda fun to watch the smiles turn to absolute terror when it was their time to be “on.” You could read their mushy little minds: “Stranger danger! Stranger danger” “What if I choke? What if I can’t remember the really, really important toys?” “This guy smells like weird Uncle Harry.” “If they try to put those stupid reindeer antlers on me, the old fat guy is gonna get kicked in his jingle bells!”

I walked by a big Barnes & Noble bookstore where there was a smiling lady demonstrating the new color Nook for potential buyers. People were asking a lot of suspicious questions: “So, I have to BUY books to put on here? What kind of a rip is that?” I couldn’t contain myself... “How do you get your books now, lady? This thing is so cool - you not only get a nifty little web browser, you can download books from the internet without ever leaving your couch. You can carry a hundred books with you at any time - all in that nifty little device.”

I’m pretty sure she thought I was a shill. The demonstrator lady gave me a grateful smile. “Yeah, but if I buy a book on this thing, can I then share it with the rest of my family, too?”

I knew she meant, “Can I buy it once and then give it to everyone I know?”

The demonstrator lady said, “It has a lend function, where you can lend it to someone else with a Nook for a 2 week period.”

“Well, that’s pretty cool,” I said. “So, it still protects the author’s copyright, but you can let someone else read the book, they just don’t get to own it?”

“That’s right. Not all books offer that, but it is a way to share,” she said.

We were tag-teaming the suspicious lady, and the demonstrator lady moved in for the body slam: “Plus, you can play games on it.”

Sold. Obviously, the gaming was more important that the reading.

A bit later, I was standing in line to make a small purchase. The line was long. Behind me was a woman with what looked and sounded like about a 10 year old girl. A major whiner. “Why is it so busy?? When are we gonna go?” That went on the whole time we were in line, and I was about 12th from the check out. I finally turned around and said, “You do know that Christmas is only a week away, right? That’s why everywhere you go is busy. People are getting ready for Christmas. Do you think Santa is watching?”

The sneer on the little girl’s face spoke volumes. I said, “My little girl knew that if she quit believing, Santa wouldn’t come any more. And Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good. My daughter is 38 years old, and she still believes. And behaves. And she has REALLY good Christmases because of that.”

I have no idea if the little whiner believed any of that, but she did shut up. A couple people in line said, “Merry Christmas,” to me on their way out. Now, THAT’S the spirit. ;-)

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SONG (sung to the tune of Rawhide)

Shopping, shopping, shopping.
Feel my arches dropping.
We go Christmas shopping,
Yuletide.

Don’t try to understand it,
just buy, wrap, and hand it,
Soon you’ll be living high and wide.

My heart’s calculating,
my true love will be waiting,
be waiting at the end of this line.

Pick it out, wrap it up,
wrap it up, ship it out,
Pick it out, wrap it up,
Yuletide!

To the mall, cut ‘em off,
get the spot, flip ‘em off,
Stand in line.
Yuletide!