------------------------------------
OK, it took a while, but my new design is ready, I just need some financial backing to bring it to market... introducing the Liveaboard Sleep Center! Designed for those moving from a boat to a land-based dwelling, or those who have always wanted to experience the romance of living on a boat.
The Liveaboard Sleep Center features the following:
* An irregular shaped bed! Designs available in V-shape, parallelogram, short (for those who like their feet to hang off the end of the berth), and extra narrow (for those who feel the need to grip the mattress in their sleep). Cushion foam is available in: thin, extra thin, firm, way too firm, saggy, feel-the-seams! (Memory foam in the exact sizes is not available, but can be purchased at Sam's Club or Costco and cut to nearly fit.)
* Custom designed sound soother! Features: clanging halyards, squeeky fenders, rolling dock carts, barking dogs, drunk partiers (including thumping bass music, "Everybody say 'Yeaaaaaaa-aaaaa!' ", and shouting obscenities), bilge pump sounds, fan motor, and dock neighbor practicing harmonica.
* Movement! Enjoy being "rocked" to sleep. Special hydraulic motors simulate movement at the dock (from no movement to sharp pulling of lines and rebounding off the fenders) to hanging on the hook (no movement adjustable to 6 foot chop simulation - yeehawwww!).
* Your Turn At Watch feature! Every two hours, lights will come on, a voice will say, "Damn, it's ugly out there! Get Up - it's your watch!" and spray you with a shot of cold water to simulate the shaking off of foulies. Fun and stimulating!
* Condensation! Each LSC comes with a plastic rain-fly type enclosure to hold in the condensation. Imagine the thrill of waking up to drips on your head!!
Order yours today! Operators are standing by!
------------------
* Leecloths, ill-fitting sheets, and exhaust smells (diesel or gasoline) are extra cost options. Price does not include shipping and handling. To further simulate marina living, there will be a recurring monthly fee and you will be required to host at least one potluck meal each month.
------------------
From the makers of Liveaboard Sleep Centers, we also proudly present: The MATE! Anatomically correct, non-moving "mate" to share your berth. The male MATE comes with razor stubble on the face and emits gas during the night. The female MATE comes with razor stubble on the legs and steals covers during the night. Both models snore and talk in their sleep. "The Change" female MATE can be programmed to raise temperature to 140ยบ and simulate night sweats. "The Never Change" male MATE can be ordered with a hairy back and sharp toenails. Order yours today! The perfect companion to go with the Liveaboard Sleep Center!
Send financial offers to:
Jim B. Liveaboard Fund
No comments:
Post a Comment