To paraphrase the words of the philosopher Sheldon Cooper...

I'm normal... I've been tested.

Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Well, unlike Sheldon, you have never been tested for crazy."  That's true.  But, crazy people never think they're crazy.  Take yesterday, for instance...

It was St. Patrick's Day.  Everybody is Irish on St. Paddy's Day.  We were having lunch in the historic downtown Tempe... or, maybe it is TempeTown... or the "bar and restaurant district," but there were plenty of people dressed like giant leprechauns.  No, they weren't in a parade or anything, they were just walking around.  Other people wearing giant green hats.  One guy of obvious Asian descent was wearing a white T-shirt with some kind of Asian writing on it... I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't that be funny if that said: 'Kiss me!  I'm Irish!' in Mandarin?  Maybe I am crazy?

I'm just not sure when St. Patrick's Day became the National Drinking Holiday?  There were people getting ready for a good ol' drunken good time in this area: a guy with "Security" on his t-shirt setting up barricades; a couple other guys putting ATM machines every 50 feet (attaching them to parking signs with a heavy cable).  You think I'm crazy?  Who uses a "private" ATM on the sidewalk in the middle of a drinking party??  Why not just say, "Here, let me give you my ATM card and pin number for your use later - oh, and don't forget to charge me up the wazoo for this transaction!"

For the record, I am half Irish... on my Mother's side.  The other side is English.  No wonder I have these internal struggles.

When I was having dental work done last month, the dentist (during the 5 hours he was working on me) related that his brother is a doctor.  I said, "Your Mother must be proud of you both."

He said, "My Mother is Chinese.  And I am only a dentist.  You think Jewish Mothers are overbearing?  You should try Chinese - 'Why can't you be like your brother?'"

I didn't tell him about my Irish Mother... if I came in complaining about someone on the playground, she would say, "You get back out there and kick his ass!"  It still warms my heart.

Oh, about that testing?  Thanks for asking.  After spending time last week with the doctor up my ass, I got a recorded call today: "The results of your recent visit are now available.  Call this number and key in your patient number for a recording..."

Nice, they can give you the bad news in a message.

Turns out, everything is normal.  I passed my ass test.  And the blood test.  And, I didn't even study.  Nor did I change my diet for the week before.  I had a big ol' piece of birthday cake as the last thing before I started fasting.

This calls for a celebration - BBQ sound good?