Round 3...

No, not a boxing match.

A couple months ago, the fire extinguisher manufacturer Kidde issued a recall for some models of their extinguishers.  Turns out there are millions of these things out there!  I thought it might take forever to get the free replacements - or that the company might go out of business before they could get them distributed.

The replacement procedure was simple: fill out a form online with the model and serial number of your extinguishers.  We very quickly heard back that 4 of our extinguishers are on their recall and they would be sending out replacements... considering the numbers involved, they arrived reasonably expeditious, two one day and two another.

Also included in the boxes were the return labels to send the affected ones back.  Even more expense for Kidde.  Since the extinguishers are considered "hazardous material," you can't just drop them off at the local UPS Store.  As per instructions, Joan called FedEx to arrange for a pickup.

When we went out for lunch on Thursday, we left the 4 extinguishers on our front steps in case FedEx came while we were out.  Yep, the came and dropped off a package, but didn't pick up the 4 boxed extinguishers.  When Joan checked with FedEx, the driver wrote "Could not find that address."  Ummm... they dropped off a package at that address... a package that they set beside the 4 boxed extinguishers.

For clarification, we live on an island, where we all have the same street address, but each place has a lot number.  The lots are numbered sequentially.  Really, if you find one lot here, you can find any.  The numbers on any given street are on the street signs, and each lot has its number painted on the driveway.  (USPS does not deliver to each address here, so we have one central place with private mailboxes... that do NOT match our lot numbers.  Yes, that is a pain in the butt.)  The take away from this: every house has a unique lot number.  This is the second time in the past month that FedEx said, "Could not find that address."  And in between those notices, they have delivered here frequently.

Joan called FedEx again on Friday and was assured that a driver would pick up the boxes.  This time the tracking said: "No one home."  Bullshit.  We were home.  All day.  The boxes were again out on our steps.  The front light and porch light were on until 9:00 pm.  IF we hadn't been home, but we were, the boxes were right there.  On the steps.  The driver would have to walk around them to get to our doorbell.  IF he had actually come to the house... where we would have heard him, because we were home.

Joan called FedEx again this morning.  The person on the phone just read the driver's notes asking if the house is "hard to find" or if were were actually home.  Joan explained that each note was not factual (I would have used the technical delivery term: "Bullshit," but Joan is much more refined than I am).  The person on the phone assured her that someone would be there to pick up the boxes "today... or maybe tomorrow."

(Sigh)  Truth be told, while I'd rather these get sent back to Kidde, I'm OK if someone steals them off our porch.  I understand that Kidde doesn't want them "out there" due to the liability.  We have fire extinguishers in the house, the car, the cargo trailer, the boat, and the motorhome (some of those weren't models in the recall or were a different manufacturer).  I'd just like to see FedEx do their job, and not make up bullshit stories.  Yes, I know this is their busiest time of the year... I can't help but think this particular driver knocks off early, and punches in "Not home"... "Could not find that address" ... or some other made-up stuff instead of actually making the delivery or pick-up.

New motto: "FedEx - for when it absolutely, positively has to be bullshit, made-up excuses."