What? No, not the clap - what is wrong with you people? It's Valentine's Day. Love is in the air. Romance abounds. And you have to make it all sleezy.
Which reminds me: did you hear about the guy who was killed when a radio antenna came loose from a passing minivan and pierced his heart? The coroner didn't have a box to check for "radio antenna pierced heart" so he put it down as VD. When the police detective came to investigate the coroner told him: "The guy died from a van aerial disease." (rimshot)
I can't help it - I'm a romantic. Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers out there.
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My Honey took me shopping today. Well, I drove, so I guess I took us, but she's the one who said, "Your pants are all too big - we need to get you some clothes that fit." I've heard women say that when they lose weight, it comes out of their boobs first. Old men lose their ass... and not in a "stock market" kinda way.
We went to my go-to clothes store: Bass Pro Shop. This one used to be a Cabela's near the stadium (where the Superbowl was held); I thought the Cabela's stores would stay with that name after Bass Pro bought them - guess not. Same inventory, so I was looking through familiar goods. I was darn near worn out after trying on about 50 pair of pants. Yes, I'm kidding... it was closer to 60. This pair fit in the waste, but was baggy in the legs... this one had pockets that are too short (where do you put your phone and keys??)... this pair fit OK, but the color is ugly... what is this material - it looks like parachute pants. Then we moved on to shirts; I said I was fine with shirts, then Joan found a flannel - I haven't had a flannel shirt in years. I picked up a size large; Joan followed behind me with a medium. I tried on the large, and it seemed fine to me. Apparently, I was wrong. Joan handed me the medium, which felt tight to me. Again, I was wrong. I tried on a couple hoodies - liked the fabric, didn't like the fit.
In the end, I got two pair of pants and the one flannel shirt. I can't say for certain, but I think she likes me to wear my pants tighter so she can show me off in my role of "trophy husband." Two inches smaller than what I've been wearing on one pair, three inches on the other. Yeah, that's what this healthy eating does to a person.
She tried on a pair of shorts - took about 15 seconds in the dressing room to decide they were "good." She did not feel the need to come out of the dressing room and model for me, like I did for her.
By this point, it was nearing 3:00 - time for "lupper." We ate at a Mexican place, which put us heading west for the RV park during "rush hour." I don't know why they call it that - with bumper to bumper traffic, no one is rushing. I don't know how people who live here do this every day. What should have taken us 20 minutes at most turned out to be closer to an hour. I even detoured to head to a "less traveled" street... just like the thousand cars in front of me did. The options for heading west funnel you into just a few options, and I-10 is generally the most crowded, slowest moving. Pulling up Apple Maps showed us that all roads heading this way were moving slow. Life in the big city.
Rufus was happy to see us when we got home. Because... he's a good boy.
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