This post will contain adult themes, sexually suggestive scenes, graphic violence, full frontal nudity, and adult language. Not to mention: oversharing. Those who are easily offended or lacking a sense of humor should press the back button now.
It all started when my buddy Earl posted: "Cats will lie through their pointy little teeth." As regular readers here know, Rufus could speak for himself. The new boy Murphy channels through me - I don't add or take away anything, and I try to keep his message in the context and emotion intended.
I was minding my own business this morning. I went to the sanctuary of our bedroom to prepare to take a shower. A pretty Blonde spoke to me suggestively: "Take off your clothes. Now!" Being somewhat shy, but obedient, I began to disrobe.
I know what you're thinking. Me, too. It must be laundry day.
She said, "Put the darks in this pile." Yep, it's laundry day.
As I removed my black boxer-briefs in the manner I used to do when employed as a male exotic dancer (it's how Joan and I first met, but that is a story for another day). There was a chuckle from the hot Blonde. And not the "That's hot," kinda chuckle... no, this was a laugh of derision.
I couldn't help myself - I thrust the sexy black boxer-briefs in the direction of that pretty face... stopping well before any contact was made.
There was some stammering while the pretty Blonde tried to find words. I heard someone mock her attempt at speaking... I was shocked when I realized it came from ... (gasp) me!
And that's when Murphy spoke up: he said, "Meow." It seemed short and to the point for those not fluent in cat, but I translated: "He said, 'It ain't nice to make fun of my Momma when she isn't too smart.'" It wouldn't have been so bad, but he said it in a Forest Gump voice.
And that's when the fight started.
It was thrust and parry with the sexy black boxer-briefs as my weapon, while the Blonde picked up a wet wash cloth to use as a whip. This was the equivalence of bringing sexy black boxer-briefs to a whip fight. I was out-gunned. With nothing to shield my glistening naked body... What? Glistening?? Yeah, with the water from wash cloth - now let me finish.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah... outgunned. She was fully dressed with a weapon designed to do great bodily harm. I was naked, with the body of a mildly athletic Shar Pei. Hey, I've lost some weight over the last few years, but I digress. The options were limited: stand my ground and die the death of a multitude of wet wash cloth snaps... or run naked from the room, screaming like a little girl.
Obviously, I locked the bathroom door behind me in my hasty retreat.
The adult language, you ask? Pretty sure some slipped out while the woman scorned (is "making fun of" the same as being scorned?) aimed that deadly wet weapon at my unclothed loins.
No photos will be posted here, but for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling), I can send the video to your inbox. You must be 18 or older and verify that you have a strong stomach (and weak mind) before placing your order. I was not aware that Murphy was filming this entire mostly true (except for the parts I made up) unprovoked attack.
The sexually suggestive stuff? I'm writing it right now:
"Dear Forum Advisor, I never thought something like this would happen to me..."
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Picnic on the patio...
In spite of the morning "duel" (skirmish?) all is good in our home. Mid-afternoon, I made burgers on the griddle, while Joan made onion rings and fries inside. After dining all that All-American fare, we went out to the patio... Murphy walked right to his catio and wanted inside. OK.
Joan asked if I'd bring out a guitar... "Well, sure." I played for her and Murphy, and before you knew it, it was 5:00... not just somewhere, but right here. That doesn't mean break out the margaritas for us - it means supper-time for Murphy. Rather than bring him inside to eat, I went in and prepared his meal... then brought it out to the patio to see how he'd do with that...
The boy did fine with this new meal development. A car ride yesterday, dining al fresco today. It's good to give him some new experiences so he can learn to "roll with it" when we take him traveling. That's the corner of his catio in the bottom photo on the right side.
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