Say what??

 

How's your hearing.  Mine's fine.  Sitting around the house on this dreary day, Joan asked me, "Do you want to take a hearing test?"

I answered, "What?"  (rimshot)

She got something from AARP for an "on line" hearing test.  All you need is a quiet room and a set of headphones.  The test is "sponsored by" a hearing aid company.  What do you think the results will be?

I put on my headphones, answered their questions, then had to give them my name and e-mail address.  The instructions: "Turn up your device to maximum volume," then click when you hear different tones in each ear.  I could hear all 4 tones at the lowest setting.

The result: I have "moderate hearing loss."  I have to call bullshit on this one.  I took it again and specifically picked different levels for the tones... yep, "moderate hearing loss."  Same results.  From a hearing aid company... what are the odds of that?  Yep - a big ol' pile of steaming bullshit.

Considering I survived the Rock n Roll years, my hearing is good; "excellent" on my last captain's physical.  (my current annual check-ups don't include a hearing test)  

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Speaking of captain stuff.  When Joan and I went out for lunch, there was a family of 5 at a table within our line of sight.  One of the little girls was dancing all around the table.  It reminded me of one boat trip where a family with a 8 to 10 year old (I didn't check ID) was swinging around one of the support posts on the boat.  I let everyone get settled, then started my "safety talk."  The little girl got up and was swinging around the post again.  I said, "Have a seat young lady - your Daddy doesn't want to see you swinging around a pole."  The passengers erupted in laughter.  The Mother told the kid, "Sit down - NOW!"  Judging by the look on the kid's face, parental guidance was a new thing for her.

At the end of the trip, a guy shook my hand (with a nice gratuity) and said, "Thanks for the best laugh I've had on this vacation."  ;-)